If you remember on Sunday, Ed mentioned that on Oct. 14 we're having Porn Sunday at CCC. And yours truly gets the distinct honor of delivering the message that day. (Do you know how difficult it is to do research on this topic without the office internet monitors going haywire?!?!) Anyway, after having several lively discussions with some friends, I am convinced that this topic is a much needed one that a lot of people are concerned about in our church. So here's where you can help...
I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. It would certainly guide me as I try to make this teaching relevant. So hit the comment button and tell me...What do think about pornography? Is it an issue in your home? Is it an issue among your kids? Is it a current struggle for you and how has it affected you or your marriage?...And don't worry, I'll keep everything totally anonymous.
And of course, I'll be presenting the clear, unedited truth from God's word so that part won't change. But any input I get from you guys about the opinions, pains, struggles, etc. you've had would be a valuable asset to me. Looking forward to your comments.
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Jason, you have your work cut out for you! I love how you want people's input. I think it is just smart. Here are my very candid thoughts!
I don't know that my husband is addicted to porn, but I know for a fact he reviews it. Does it hurt my feelings? Not usually, as I have a healthy image of myself. However, some days I look in the mirror and think, "who could love this body". I believe we all have days like that! I think the problem with porn is that it stimulates our sexual senses and it just feels...well good! Is porn okay between a married couple once in awhile to spice things up? I think it seems okay, but then a day or two afterwords, I am feeling guilty and ugly. I believe that when we don't take the time to build up one another is love. When we take for-granted our partner, when we quit spending time with each other...all these lead to a dark void in our marriage. One that can get filled with porn!
Gee, I hope that I am making sense. I have a partner who is not a practicing Christian. This makes it very difficult to balance what I think is proper and what he thinks is proper. I am to be submissive to my husband, but at the same time, I can't go against God's word. Is this something you can address? Thanks for taking the time to read this, Jason. I look forward to your sermon. I will pray for you this week!
Hey Jason,
I am assuming you were serious when you asked for porn stories. Here is mine:
About a year after I got married, I came home early from work one afternoon to find my husband on a porn website. We had a heated discussion about it and he swore that it was the only time he had gone on. He was just "curious". As the years went by, I discovered that it was not the only time and that he had an addiction to it. The porn led to other things, as he tried his best to feed his addiction. It's just like any addiction; after a while, you need more and more to get the same thrill. He started going to adult entertainment establishments and spending our house payment money there. He would pick fights with me at night so he could sleep on the couch. I knew it was just to watch porn. When our youngest son was born, he got up in the middle of the night to give him a bottle. I got up a few minutes later and there he was - watching a "skin flick" while feeding our newborn. The lies he told were awful. He said that I drove him to it; he said that he couldn't find me attractive if he didn't watch the movies. More and more money was lost on films, strip clubs, and, I am pretty sure but have not proof, prostitutes. As you would imagine, our marriage was destroyed. We went to counseling, we sought help at the church we were attending, we tried getting rid of the computer and cable, but nothing worked. Eventually, we divorced. I am pretty certain that he never got over his addiction. I can tell you it has taken a long time and a lot of work on God's part for me to get over the damage that was done to me personally as a result. His favorite comeback during agruments was "how can this hurt you? I am not asking you to watch it, participate in it, or even acknowledge it. It's all about me. It has nothing to do with you." Such a lie from the Deceiver. Of course, it was about me and affected me. It affected everything in our lives and, ultimately, destroyed our lives together. I knew I would never look like what he was seeing on the screen and my self esteem plummeted. How can you compete with someone that is so "perfect" looking?
I could go on and on (and here you thought I already did :)) I think porn is just one more way that the marriages that God brought together are being destroyed. There is nothing "innocent" about it.
Thank you so much for being willing to speak out on such a controversial topic. It won't be easy but it is so needed.
Thank you for responding. Reading both of your replies just made my heart ache. I am definitely feeling the weight of what a crucial subject this is. Thanks for your prayers. Would either of you allow me to read some quotes from your stories in my message? If so, just post another comment letting me know. I think these stories could help a lot of people. Keep them coming.
jason-
I just don't know where to begin. When I was 6-8 years old I was exposed to porn for the first time. It was a long forgotten stash of my uncle's. I came across it in my grandmother's basement. Over a period of YEARS I would go over to my grandmother's house and disappear into the basement for hours at a time. One thing so insidious about pornography is that even in a child it can arouse feelings that while inappropiate still makes the child feel good. At 6 years old I did not understand it, but looking back I new something wasn't right about it because I would hide while looking at it. It can even addict a child to want to see it over and over again. And while I don't view porn today some 30 years later, the experience did create in me desires and needs that I searched most of my life for someone to fill. In a way it ruined me because my sexuality was not allowed to develop naturally, but was forced into being.
Here 32 years later I can recall photos that I once viewed in my grandmother's basement. I can't recall what I ate for dinner last week or what you preached on three months ago (Sorry!). But, I can still bring those things to mind with little effort. Please stress in your teaching that parents need to be viligant in keeping their kids safe from porn. The Bible says that sexual immorality is a sin against the body and for this same reason, once exposed, porn can become branded on your brain and embossed on your soul. Although I don't feel that what happened to me was my fault, my fault was not bringing it to an adult's attention but choosing to view it in private. The price for that sin has been great both as a single woman and now even in married life. As a wife and mother I really make an effort to know what my kids are doing on the computer and when they go to friends' houses.
I will do my best. Thanks for sharing. All of you are such an encouragement to me. Your stories literally stick with me as I walk through the process of crafting this message. And by the way, don't feel like you have to apologize. I can't remember what I preached 3 months ago either!!
Jason,
I can not start to tell you how important this is. I was exposed to porn as a 11-12 year old girl by an older relative. He never touched me and I didn't understand until I was in my 40's that it was still sex abuse. Why would a 20 year old man show a 11 year girl porn! I didn't know what it was but I new it was wrong. But porn has a pull even on childern. This early exposure messed up my out look on sex for the rest of my life. While I did not have a problem with porn I had a problem with my understanding of sex. For many years I thought that love and acceptance was only based on the dirty kind of sex. But because I felt it was dirty I could never talk (and still can't) about it. Sex was something done on the slay that left you feeling empty. It was never talked about at church or by my parents. I spent many years really messed up and went through many bad relationships. I even thought for a long time that I was bad and that God could never love someone like me and that I was going to hell even though I longed for God's love so badly. I was in my 40's before I came to accept myself as someone God can really love. I had been a christian for several years before I really gave Him this part of my life. There is still so much shame. I have told you more here than I have ever told anyone.
I know that porn is soo much more accessable today by computer than ever before. I hurt for the children and families that are being hurt by satan and his lies! I'm praying for you and your message. It may be one of the most important ones you ever give.
May God Bless You!
Jason,
I know everyone associates porn with men and graphic content either on the printed page or the internet. In my opinion, Romance Novels offer the same sort of stimulation to others. Anything that I allow to create images in my mind of someone other than my wife makes me and adulterer. So porn can be many, many things. Some seemingly innocent.
Jason,
I think so many people associate men with internet porn that other forms of porn are overlooked. Men being basically visually stimulated beings tend to be drawn to images. Women who loose themselves in Romance Novels are no less at risk. In my opinion, anything that I allow to creat images in my mind of someone other than my wife makes me an adulterer. I'm not saying FOX NEWS is porn, but if I ALLOW myself think of any of the on air talent as anything other than just that, I have sinned. My point is, porn is not some specific place to be visited. Many of us who may have never vistied a porn web site may feel safe and secure, but loose ourselves in Romance Novels or oogle news casters. We all have to really openly examine our minds before pointing damning fingers at others with more obvious sources of sin.
Jason, please use any of my comments if they will help in any way. I am the "submissive wife" blogger. :)
Just wanted to comment one more time to thank all of you who commented on this topic. I'll be putting the finishing touches on my talk this week and you guys have been a great help to me. Keep praying that God speaks loud and clear through me on Sunday and folks who are entangled in the world of porn will find grace and hope.
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